Seven Deadly Sins

This is a meme I got from The Mean Girls’ Guide to Glory. A meme that’s not your ususal sunshine and giggles. A slightly darker one. Check it out.

WRATH

1. Who did you last get angry with?
The Boyfriend. For stealing my cigarettes. He has a habit of coming home in the afternoon, after I’ve bought myself a new pack, leaving his in the car, and smoking mine at night. Then leaving in the morning with my pack. And still having those he left in the car. Leaving me with nothing. Bloody annoying and sneaky.

2. What is your weapon of choice?
A ‘tazer. My mother has a 900,000 volt one. All I have is a good backhand and a sharp tongue.

3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?
Yes. I am a boyfriend beater. And not a full box of smarties.

4. How about of the same sex?
For sure, I mean, duh. That bitch deserved it.
[Strangely enough, I have never been in a chick fight. As much as I have tried to provoke one, or get involved in one, they always step out of my way, or apologise neatly and carry on the fight, having sidestepped me completely. I mean, what does a girl have to do to get a bitchslap around here?]

5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?I
Not quite sure. Probably The Boyfriend. When we had this fight.

6. What is your pet peeve?
Snotty people who dont blow their noses. Boyfriend leaving shoes where I can trip over them. Discovering I have no cigarettes left. People who make plans and then give lame excuses. Deadlines. [I particularly hate the wooshing sound they make as they go flying by]

7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?
I’m in it for the long run. I remember EVERYTHING. And I’m very patient. I will GET you when you least expect it.

SLOTH

1. What is one thing you’re supposed to do daily that you don’t?
Ride that exercise bike. Take the dog for a walk.

2. What is the latest you’ve ever woken up?
I dont have that luxury anymore, but when I did, it was probably 3 pm.

4. What is the last lame excuse that you made?
That The Boyfriend’s grandmother died and we had to go to a family function. She died about 2 months ago, and I’ve been using this excuse ever since.

5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through?
My boyfriend is a sucker for these things. Hence, I get forced to watch all this crazy shit while you can see that he’s debating whether or not this is a rip-off. Duh. I could have told you that and saved you the effort.

6. When was the last time you got in a good workout?
About a week ago. Spring cleaning the house.

7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?
Who needs an alarm when you have a squawking kid that wakes you up before 6 am without fail?

GLUTTONY

1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?
Appletizer. A Kauai smoothie. Double-vodka-double-lime, baby.

2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat??
Neither.

3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you’ve had in one sitting/outing/event?
Jesus, who knows. Probably Splashy Fen. I took with 5 bottles of vodka, 3 bottles of lime, 5 litres of wine. Four days later I came home with 1 bottle of lime. I remember walking around in a daze, drinking vodka neat out the bottle. I wanted to hit someone because they asked for a sip. Fuck you, get your own wodka!

4. Have you ever used a professional diet company?
Nope.

5. Do you have an issue with your weight?
No, it has an issue by not getting lost.

6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy?
Salty and spicy.

7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought “lunch”?
Not yet. When it happens with The Kid, I will let everyone know.

LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family):
More than 100. I know a lot of naked people, okay!?

2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)
Plenty. I used to be a naked person too.

3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of the opposite gender during a normal conversation?
Yes, Especially if your fly is down. I’m not going to tell you, just stare and snigger on the inside!

4. Have you ever kissed two people in one night?
Probably. I used to be pretty wild before The Kid.

5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice?
Gimme a nice tight butt. The Boyfriend has an ass that had actually mesmerised me. Walking behind him is very distracting.

6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?
Not that I can recall. I have been propositioned by both men and women though. Looking to get it for free. What do they think I am, cheap?

GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own?
One. that my father pays. So I guess it doesn’t count then.

2. What’s your guilty pleasure store?
The Body Shop

3. Would you rather be rich, or famous?
Rich.

Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks?
Hell yes. I could have megafun spending all my megabucks!

5. Have you ever stolen anything?
Shamefully, yes. I have a problem. The last thing I ‘forgot’ to pay for was a glittery bronzer. Security guards never suspect mommies with prams and gorgeous babies!

6. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? A few hundred.

PRIDE
1. What’s one thing you have done that you’re most proud of? Did really well in my masters courses last year, even though I was pregnant, and the youngest in my class. All first-class passes, and I even came top in one of my classes. I managed to get 76% for Broadcasting Law, even though I didn’t have a cooking clue what was going on, and probably googled most of my exam answers!

2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? I dont know. Probably the fact that I’ve always been an academic achiever.

3. What things would you like to accomplish in your life? Not break my kid. Maybe one day be a Constitutional Court Justice.

4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?
If you aren’t first you are LAST. 2nd best = FAILURE.

5.Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?
I interviewed for a job, knowing I was probably the highest qualified. But I was 8 months pregnant when I interviewed for the job. It would have started 6 weeks after The Kid was born. Needless to say, they didn’t hire me.

6.Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?
In final year LLB, I cheated on an Accounting test and still failed. Haha.

7. What did you do today that you’re proud of?
I made The Boyfriend yummy lunch.

1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own?
Shoes and handbags. I threw away all my heels when I fell pregnant and haven’t had the heart to buy more!

2. Who would you want to go on “Trading Spaces” with?
Oprah. That bitch must have all the luxury in the world.

3.If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be?
Maybe Ellen Degeneres without the lesbian.

4. Have you ever been cheated on?
Yes. One day I will hunt him down and make him regret it.

5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own
A flat stomach again would definitely make me unstoppable. I would be unstoppable anyway, if it wasn’t for gravity and law-enforcement.

.6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?
The ability to say what I feel without thinking of the consequences.

I tag anyone who feels like doing this.