It’s Hump Day & Expensive Mistakes has kindly given me the opportunity to write a little something-something for y’all to ponder about…
Hi,
My name is Candy Grrl & I masturbate.
A lot!
The South African Pocket Oxford Dictionary (3rd Edition) defines masturbation as
…to stimulate one’s genitals with one’s hand for sexual pleasure…
I define it as…
…one very fucking good idea…
I have been masturbating since I was 9 years old *gasp, shock, horror*…big fucking wank! It just happened one day & felt so darn good that I decided to give it a try over & over again to the point that I orgasmed…oh…I don’t know how many times. From there on in, it just became something I did…often! It’s a given that it took me a while to actually ‘figure’ out what I was doing & how I was doing it but eventually…after a lot of praccie sessions…I knew exactly how to get myself off & boy did it feel good!
Jesus…I even masturbated at my grandparents house…both sets of them! And in the toilet…in a caravan…in the shower…in the car…crikey…it’s been a long 15 years…I can’t remember every dark corner?!?
During my early teens I used to think that I would get punished for masturbating…like I wouldn’t be able to have children…*because pressing so ‘hard’ down there was so naughty in the ‘Little girl’s book of 101 things not to do’*…fuck that…I wish I knew then that that wasn’t hard…how’s about the pressure you feel the very first time you have a penis stuck between your v-jay-jay…haiwenna…now that was an eye opener if ever you needed one! Now, I’m more than willing to get underneath the covers with me, myself & I…we have a very trustworthy & reliable relationship…it’s a fucking fantastic booty call when you can’t sleep at night & I’m a hands on person…so it’s a win-win situation?!? In recent years I have even acquired the nickname ’20 Seconds’…for very obvious reasons that do not require any further clarification…that nickname has stuck, unfortunately…I once walked off of a plane to visit a friend who, in order to catch my attention after baggage claim, had colourfully written on a board those very words…thank god nobody had a clue except us!
Seriously, what is the big deal about masturbating?!? Why do people cower in shyness at the mention of the act…it’s great…you can sort yourself out whenever you like & you don’t have to worry about anything other than ‘I wonder if he can make me cum the way I can?!?’
I swear it’s the only thought I’m generally left with! This bodes well for foreplay…I’ve only ever experienced foreplay with two guys…well 2 others I can’t really remember so I don’t count them…but the former two were regulars & I enjoyed masturbating in front of them…it’s an incredibly hot experience between two people…especially if you’re particularly close to one of them…& makes things very steamy between the sheets! Hell, I’m horny just thinking about those moments! I think the most important factor was that I am confident to do that in front of ‘my guy’…I know how my body works & my body knows how I work…we respond to one another in ways that no other person, toy or cock can & it’s incredibly satisfactory! The bonus is that the lucky guy is more than willing to learn how/what & where…pleasuring me in the most definite of ways…my way! It also makes it extremely exciting & fun! They also tend to love it & the smile on their face when they know for sure that they’ve gotten you to cum is priceless & morish!
And then there are fantasies…my god…can I fantasise about role play, specific men & the angles they can ram me up against a wall & just fuck me senseless …to…very slow & passionate lovemaking with a someone special! Masturbating varies…sometimes I don’t do it for quite a while…others I tire myself out to the point that I fall asleep…sexy, eh?!? One thing though, I have never used a toy…I’ve just never felt the need to…I’ve often thought about it but would rather leave that up to a bit of foreplay time spent in the bedroom with a ‘volunteer’!
Fuck knows when that will be?!?
Do I have a problem?!? Am I compensating for the lack of one-on-one sex which I require & anticipate regularly?!? Definitely…but at least I don’t wake up the next morning wanting to chew off my arm…so I’m pretty happy with a bit of me time every now & then!
Fuck…bugger…wank! I can’t believe I just told a bunch of strangers all that…meh…at least you don’t know who I am & where to find me…that way you can’t point & laugh at the girl who masturbates!
How do you feel about the taboo subject of pleasuring thy self?!? And ‘would you ever…masturbate’?!?
That is all!
Filed under: Would You Ever?, sex thrills
ahaha – the SA Pocket Dictionary.
what else do you keep in your pocket?
be honest now…
ah!!!… Candy i agree with everything you’ve said
for some reason i’ve never bought myself a toy cause why do i need one?!! LOL
very candid post darlink, WELL DONE
*standing ovation*
I think everyone…from sister Maggie to farther John at parish get off with themselves.
I agree tho, it’s fucking hot when a girl masturbates in front of you! Shiezer!
I think the whole “know thyself” thing is VERY important in any sex life. How can you expect anyone to know what you like if you can’t show them. So I am pro masturbation! Alone or with someone. Haha.
BTW Stef you should totally take a look at this website: http://www.kink.co.za/
It’s a great website. *blushes*
Also – Exmi, you could do a sex toy post some other Wednesday? That would be fun.
Congrats to you Candy for this very frank post which really lifts the veil on masturbation because believe it or not, there are still alot of women who feel guilty or dirty (not in the good way) for touching themselves.
And, congrats to Thrills for giving this post a platform!
I’m a big fan of self love.
Ches – you’re loving this, aren’t you??
Sweets – there’s nothing quite like a woman who can take care of herself!
sleepyjane – would you wanna take the lead on that topic?
benny – thanks, lady!
Absolutely. Tell me when and I’ll get something together.
I’m surrounded by woman talking about masturbation…which guy wouldn’t!
By the way…I have my topic, must just write it…after Sleepy’s post.
Appropriate. Blogging is often viewed as a mass debate.
kyknoord – why, you’re (g)spot on as usual!
LOL!
there is no harm in masturbation.
Its just taking care of your needs just the same way you drink water when thirsty.
vieve – indeed. nice analogy.
know thyself…in all ways possible! that’s my motto
Brilliant piece of writing and so right too! Why be shy? Why be ashamed?
Even as a married woman I gladly service myself when Mr Twist is not around, in fact, its been known to happen with him there too! (not always watching either) To be truthful, sometimes (not often, but sometimes) I prefer a good ole frig instead of a full on shag… even using Mr Twist’s hand instead too!
i think this is a really good topic. awesomely written.
Im all for knowing how to make myself *really* happy and i think everyone should be into it. How are you supposed to know what works and what doesnt?
and its sooooooo much fun!
never tried it infront of someone though, but its something i’d be open to. hmmm
Well done Candy, very creative and great topic! Hats off to you
Ah shucks…and here I thought y’all would shun me!
I must say…I had fun writing this…felt like a load off of my shoulders
And to the boys…Ches…you lucky bugger you!
All men masturbate. Those who say they don’t is lying.
All women should masturbate. It’s good for me. Uhm, I mean them.
Sjoe!
Had to spend some time examining my own attitude, and it’s roots, before I could comment.
So. In answer to the second. Yes. Quite frequently, thank you. Just don’t talk about it much. And on that note, wild applause for Ms Candy! Fuck, I *wish* I’d had her sand, when I was that young!
In answer to the first, this is not the same for guys and girls. See, for a guy, watching/seeing/thinking of a woman pleasuring herself, is itself pleasurable. On the other hand (!), any thought of a guy helping himself, brings on screaming red-flag alarms. Most of us have been beaten that way…
Certainly, *my* masturbation taboo’s have all been foist on me care of other people’s inhibitions. Parents. Priests. Teachers at boarding school. Spouse. Keepers of the guy-code. In capture or caution, their mantra was always: “Dirty. Shameful. UN-manly. Pervert. Queer.” Shit like that.
In fact, given the rubbish I and others like me were taught, it’s a bloody miracle that any of us grew up to have even a vanilla sex-life, let alone procreate! Gratefully, I later met a woman who challenged and stretched me, and through love and lust, changed a lot of switches in my head. Ta, you
I’m all for masturbation, like Candy so candidly said how else can one know what the man must do to please you if *you* don’t even know!
Hands at the ready!!!
Andre…what do you mean by “Fuck, I *wish* I’d had her sand, when I was that young!”
I’m two cents short of a bob today…eish!
I mean: I wish I’d had your guts and forthrightness about what is, after all, your own body, in the first half of my life. I didn’t, and so I had to live with other peoples inhibitions. Brava you
)
I’m all for masturbation!
Best thing ever
Though I do have a friend who doesn’t. She thinks it is gross and doesn’t understand why you would do it if you have a boyfriend to have sex with you.
Needless to say her sex life was pretty crap purely based on the fact that she doesn’t really know what she likes or explores other ways of doing things.
Silly girl doesn’t know what she is missing!
Andre – penny has dropped
Thanks yo!
Miss M – haiwenna…is it that girl I’m thinking about…the one that bores me tremendously…no wonder she’s boring…no masturbating will make Jane a dull girl!
Mistakes – sweetie…my pocket is for my eyes only…and his!
I’m absolutely pro-masturbating, and a lot of people are coming out of the closet with it now.. they even have national masturbate-a-thons now (it was sometime this past summer). It’s truly the answer to everything.. having a bad day? whack it to make self feel better! having a great day? whack it to celebrate! can’t sleep? whack it til exhaustion! Having an out of control libido almost demands my nightly shower-nasty time, or I can’t focus the next day. I grew up in a house that was very open about that kind of thing though.. as long as you took care of it in private, hehe. I do have a friend that has a lot of hang-ups about it though. Being the generous and loving friend that I am, I bought her a vibrator. Months later, she finally *admitted* to using it.. and she’s been a *lot* less tense since
Just doing my part for world peace!
Lol! Great post.love your blog
@aiko – my friends bought me one for my 21st, best thing ever. My 18th was a sex toy party hosted by my friends, fantastic
Most of my female friends don’t have an issue discussing masturbation – definitely not a taboo topic ever. THANK GOD!
@candy girl – No, it isn’t the girl you’re thinking about, though I am pretty sure she is equally boring! I doubt she’d talk about it though, it’s a little offside for her!
hell, anyone who says they don’t masturbate is lying.
i’m all for it, and i think its an integral part of foreplay too.
a work colleague was whining at a party that his girlfriend was unable to reach orgasm. another party goer asked “can she get herself off?”. Sadly, the answer was “No, she thinks masturbation is wrong.”. We all agreed – “man, ain’t no way YOU’RE gonna get her there if she can’t do it herself…
frequent attention to the neurology and plumbing keeps Jane a well-oiled orgasm machine…
the taboo isn’t what it used to be… keep putting it out there (so to speak!)
Great topic! I’m all for it, though I haven’t ventured into the toys area as yet, but with the drama i’ve had with guys, I might just acquire one soon. I agree, if you don’t know what gets you there, how do you expect someone else to?
Hell, good post. Apparently, although I don’t believe him, my husband doesn’t masturbate when he’s in a relationship. He says he doesn’t need to when he’s got me. ??? Can that be true?
Well Kitty Cat, sometimes honesty is not always the best idea. Number of things that can be true.
1. He actually doesn’t …
2. Little difficult to believe, fuck, we have testosterone.
3. Does everyone honestly every single time fantasize about their partner? Maybe he feels terrible to tell you that he does because it won’t be you that he is always fantasizing about? Obviously we all tell our loved ones that yes indeed they are the only ones we do fantasize about, lets get real people.
Anything is possible, but by asking, you probably think he is lying.
Pfft… my boyfriend not only *knows* he’s not the only one I fantasize about, he knows he’s not the only one I fuck either (and only asks for pictures). We’re big on open communication, and talking to each other about what turns us on, things we want to try, etc.
Thank the deities for open relationships
i had my first orgasm climbing up a netball pole when i was 9 or 10….it was one of the most memorable days of my life!
i love masturbating and even though i am married, i still secretly (because its so much more thrilling) masturbate. a woman must masturbate. how can you ask a man to please you if you dont know how to please yourself?
i worked in an upmarket sex shop- i designed lingerie and ended up also being the test dummy for all the new toys and gizmo’s that came in. needless to say, i managed to keep a few and it really adds to my sex life- but without masturbation….i would go dilly!!!!
Yhoo! I tug the pug every now and again. And I absolutely enjoy watching her do herself to.
hi dare you real live living walking talking open-legged human bean,
WOW! Two-thumbs-way up (or is that way down) darling!
I do believe that master-de-bating is having a better relationship with your body and growing and evolving is inevitable!
Love, peace & chickengrease
WC
this whole stuff comes as a curse on none other than guys. yes, not girls, GUYs. why? well, they are simply selfish… they forget that they are to please before they are pleased. girls thus searched and found thier own way, which is simply as questioanble as a boy masturbating. but “who da hell are you to peek into my personal life?”. lady, you are walking naked on the streets. unhealthy for guys.
the reason the writer had been so late to have “normal” sex lessons is the “shutter” the society is putting on our faces for sex-talks. the “sex/gender” thing. it’s complex.
the adjectives the writer used to criticize masturbation are all positive in terms of what we “get” from it. well, she still doesnot care what she has lost, or still losing. ya why should one try to undo the done. it’s impossible. so, lets not be like her and we’ll not have to regret. this is also a positive thought on what we can get by knowing more, in this case, about masturbation.
she spoke of what most of us simply fear of; the way she took makes her not a pioneer in any sense or subject, but one of the many cowards who shout from behind and reminds the team of it’s hidden dark places where it can remain without putting effort to move normally. wait, i know that even monkeys masturbate. lady, are you here seeking revenge? or just want to be “different”? it’s the nature who forces.
different people, different thoughts.
nothing is absolute, make your choice.
for guys- just remember, a guy better be afraid of many things in order to prevent the mutation into a girl. give more, and get more than expected… but before that, become a man. look at the creature who dared. you dont want to be one like it, do you?
now, where did i hear these words again…
oy you candygurl, girl sucking candy in the hellhole…
You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we say in
Texas, I’ll bet you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the
heel. You are a canker. A sore that won’t go away. I would rather kiss a
lawyer than be seen with you. You’re a putrescent mass, a walking vomit.
You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt.
You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity.
You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a bleating
foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and
offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking
calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who
sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.
I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as
you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of
you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile,
worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this
earth.
And did I mention you smell? Try to edit your responses of unnecessary
material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence
that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be
able to access it more rapidly. You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that
a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid
set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy
pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing
nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and
unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and
disgusting. You’re a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep
won’t have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention,
and lost in a land that reality forgot.
And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of
unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold
that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight
than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for
the bite of the snake? You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm.
You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech.
You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void.
You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed,
slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper. On a good day you’re a half-wit. You
remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have
the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and
benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and
sorrow wherever you go. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod.
Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john.
You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You
gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. I mean
rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way
beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are
trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even
the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can
escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You
emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar
stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really
be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original
big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know.
I’m sorry. I can’t go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this,
you may not hear from me again for a while. Duh. The only thing worse than
your logic is your manners.
Your attempt at constructing a creative post was pitiful. I mean, really,
stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly
effective… Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write,
spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary
skills that many of us “normal” people take for granted that everyone has an
easy time of mastering.
But we sometimes forget that there are “challenged” persons in this world who
find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case
then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn’t have been
“right”. Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of
luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a
demand on you.
damn you